All I Need Is For You Guys To Be There For Me
by Unaltered
Summary: When Matthias is blinded after being beaten up by a gang, the others realize that they didn't appreciate nor care much for him, and now Lukas is sad. (Alternative title: Matthias Is An Idiot And Lukas Wishes He Wasn't Because Now Everybody Is Sad)


Spending over fourteen years with someone made you get tired of them extremely quickly and become exasperated with their very _existence._

Matthias, was the prime example.

He'd only gotten a cellphone barely a year ago, having refusing to have done so before now, and now that he did indeed own one, he constantly spammed the others. Tino with dick pics (not of his own, of course) Berwald with Danish pastry recipes ( _terrible_ recipes) calling Emil repeatedly and leaving weird messages on his voicemail (anything that ranged from whale noises to Disney lyrics) and constantly texting Lukas the same thing over and over again(usually some variation of 'Norway').

So it was, not at all, uncommon for the others to ignore him when he decided to drop a call. The others usually had some fun times without Matthias, because when he wasn't there, there usually wasn't any conflict. Lukas had learned long ago that Matthias, as the source of All Things Annoying, was not missed when they trying to have a serious conversation.

 _"_ _Ohhh_ , _Norge!_ _Guess what? I re-watched like three seasons of_ Bones _this_ _week! And I also bought some giraffe stickers. I think you would like them, they're really cute. Oh and Gilbert is totally throwing a birthday party for me but not inviting me, which is such a shitty thing_ _tbh_ _. Did I just say_ _tbh_ _in an actual sentence? I think I'm getting the hang of this text talk,_ _Norwie_ _! And I also-"_

Ugh. Delete, delete, _delete._ Lukas could not _believe_ the pointless shenanigans Matthias filled his inbox with, voice always bright and cheery and rapid. He got a headache just _thinking_ about Matthias sending him another voicemail.

But Lukas still had two weeks worth of voicemails left to sift through and delete, so he warily moved onto voice message number twenty eight, from Matthias.

* * *

The others ignored Matthias's constant spamming as much as he did, so nobody really raised any questions when they all (minus the Dane) all sat down together playing poker and Lukas's phone started ringing, only for the call to immediately be declined when Lukas glanced at the caller ID.

"I fold," Emil declared, throwing his cards onto the table as Lukas declined the call, and Tino looked up from his own cards, thoroughly scandalized.

"So early in the game?!"

"My will to live and play dissipated when you said you were betting fifty," Emil replied blandly, before getting up from the table and wandering into the kitchen to get himself a drink.

Lukas was rather good at poker (okay, he was the best, but don't say that around Alfred or he'll start crying) and still refused to answer his phone when it buzzed for the second and third time. Throwing in a few chips as Emil returned, Tino's phone ringing buzzing from somewhere in the living room.

"Matthias's ringtone," Tino sighed almost sadly setting his cards down, "I was having a good day, too."

"Y' don't have to answer," Berwald said to him. Tino glanced down at his cards, before shrugging and shaking his head.

"I'd rather not listen to him imitating elephant sex noises again," Tino agreed, and picked his cards back up.

Whatever Matthias wanted to say, he must have wanted to say it urgently, because Berwald's own phone began buzzing not too long after that. Berwald did not bother checking the caller ID as he stared Lukas down, gaze intense. They were both champions at poker and had a competition on who was The Best Poker Player In The Entire world, Ever™.

 _Riiiiiing._

 _Riiiiiing._

 _Riiiiiing._

"Make it stop," Emil groaned as it continued, scrolling through his own phone.

"Do _you_ w'nt to answer it?"

"No."

"I fold," Tino sighed, slamming his cards down and getting up from his seat, "I'm going to go make a pizza."

The silence in the room continued, and Lukas was not at all concerned for Matthias. The last time Matthias had done this, it was to inform them that he had thought he was a squirrel for a minute and tried to climb a tree. Whatever it was, Matthias would have to wait patiently, like a _normal_ person.

 _Bzzzz_ _._ _Bzzzz_ _._ _Bzzzz_ _._

"Ugh, that stupid Dane," Emil mumbled, looking a little more than pissed off as he glared at his phone, "Not answering it. Nope. He can just stop."

"You sound angry," Tino commented, "What'd he do last time?"

"Read smut. As a joke. Into my voicemail. Eighteen messages."

"We all agree Matthias is the stupidest of the bunch, now could you _please_ silence your phone? It's annoying," Lukas asked, glaring at Berwald intently. "I'm betting twenty, by the way."

"F'rty."

" _Sixty._ "

"What if it's really important, though?" Emil questioned, fumbling with his phone a little, "I mean, why else would he call all of us?"

"To tell us about a ladybug," Lukas deadpanned.

"What if he's hurt, though?" Tino asked.

"Don't care," Lukas and Berwald said at the same time.

* * *

By the time the poker game ended, they had forgotten about Matthias and Berwald was chalking up to his one hundred and seventeenth poker victory, which Lukas wasn't all that concerned about, because that was still thirty three less than his. The house phone's voicemail light blinked repeatedly and whatever stupid thing Matthias wanted to spout at them, he must have have wanted to spout it _badly_. He hardly _ever_ calls the house phone.

Nearly eight hours later, the phone began ringing again.

At first, the others ignored it, as they tended to do with the house phone (really, the house phone was for Peter), so it rang and rang and rang while they continued watching TV. Tino, who got tired of it ringing nonstop, and nobody else looked like they were going to answer it anytime soon, got to his feet and picked it up, answering,

"Hello?"

Lukas turned the volume down a bit on the TV to be polite, but his attention was still on it even as Tino carried on the conversation in a low voice. Emil shifted slightly so his feet ended up in Lukas's lap, and Emil dug his heels into Lukas's thighs.

"When's Matthias coming home?" He asked, scrolling through his phone, gaze fixated on it, "Please don't tell me he went drinking again. We'll be up all night checking every bar in town."

"I don't know," Lukas sighed, "But he better get home soon."

Tino hung up behind them, and it was Berwald who made a "hmm?" sound when Tino's breath hitched.

"It's...Uh, it's," Tino mumbled, fiddling with the ringed cord of the house phone, "Matthias, he's s-sort of...I just...He..."

"Drunk again?" Lukas asked, but even as he did he knew this was not the case. The room suddenly got ten times colder. Emil straightened up, and Tino averted his gaze from the rest of the time, pinks turning red, a sure sign that he was upset.

"It's Matthias." He finally said, eyes going wide, "And...We're so awful, oh my god...He's in the hospital."

* * *

The car ride was ten minutes quicker than it usually was thanks to Tino's hurried and guilty driving. After a brief interrogation, it was revealed that the doctor whom had called Tino said that Matthias had been admitted in the afternoon, a few minutes after he had called Emil's phone, by a passerby who found him on the street. They had been trying to reach them since then, pausing between hours in case none of them were home.

Lukas has known Matthias for almost fifteen years, and he's been his roommate for a little over three, and never before has Lukas felt this empty within his life. Something in the way Tino's voice shook as he told them made Lukas think Tino was not telling them the whole truth, and it just made Lukas feel worse. Matthias had been trying to call them this morning, what if he was calling for help?

 _Then the stupid idiot should have called the police,_ a voice in the back of his head barked, _And maybe if he didn't constantly bug me with annoying shit I might've answered!_

This was entirely Matthias's fault, Lukas assured himself. Besides, this wasn't the _first_ time Matthias had been found and admitted to the hospital. He was always alright, in the end. Always the same ball of energy with bright eyes and tufty hair.

But Tino's voice still made Lukas feel as if something was entirely, entirely wrong.

The hospital smelled like, well, what hospitals do, and Lukas rather liked the smell. The others hated it though, which was understandable, since hospitals usually aren't associated with the best of memories. But there was just something...Comfortable about being in the hospital. It _was_ freezing though, and Lukas regretted not taking a jacket.

The nurse would only admit one of them at a time to go see Matthias, which the others were used to, and, as always, their heads expectantly turned towards Lukas, who nodded. He always went first.

However, before he could follow the nurse to Matthias's room, Tino grabbed onto his sleeve, eyes wide. Lukas gave it a questioning tug, eyes finding the Finnish man's.

"Lukas...I..." Tino swallowed, before shaking his head and covering his face with his hands. The sinking feeling in Lukas's stomach turned into a sinkhole, and he followed the nurse down the hall, entire body feeling like it was being chilled.

"Do you knowing anything about his condition?" The nurse asked him politely as they walked. Lukas tried not to peer into the open doors as he did so, though he could hear the sounds of coughing and a family crying.

"No, I don't," Lukas told the nurse. The nurse gave him a sympathetic look, before glancing at his clipboard.

"Well, he's in room 625 and I'm his nurse, Jace. I understand that you might want to spend some time alone with him, so I'll leave you two to it. May I ask your name and relation to him?"

"I'm Lukas Bondevik. And we're not a couple," Lukas said blandly, having gotten this a lot. However, Jace averted his eyes from his own and they continued walking, which did nothing to help the horrible feeling Lukas was getting, that was filling his veins like lead.

The hallway that Matthias's room was in was bright and nearly empty, save for two nurses talking outside another patient's room and said patient shifting in her wheelchair. Jace paused outside the door, before turning to Lukas.

"The light's been turned off, as he does not need it, but you can turn it back on."

"What do you mean, he doesn't need it?" Lukas demanded, and Jace ran his fingers through his dark hair as if it were a nervous habit.

"Mr.Køhler was, we believe, jumped by either a gang or multiple people at once," Jace informed him, "Are you aware of him participating in any gang activity?"

"Uh, no," Lukas deadpanned, "That's nothing like him."

"He claims he was being a hero by saving a couple from harassment from the people who attacked him," Jace said.

"That's just like him," Lukas responded with a roll of his eyes, feeling the tension in his shoulders lessen slightly, "Well, at least he's retained his personality."

Jace's eyes found his sadly, before turning and opening the door. The room was dark and cold, and as Lukas stepped inside, his hand groped the wall for a light switch, and when he found it, he flicked it on.

Matthias was on the hospital bed, sitting up and grinning at something just over Lukas's shoulder, it seemed. His neck was wrapped in bandages, his arm in gauze, and his skin was flushed pink, as if feverish.

His smile was wide and his eyebrows raised high, which was all Lukas could tell about his expression, because the most noticeable feature about Matthias were the bandages wrapped tightly around his head and covering his eyes.

Lukas felt his entire body go cold and stiff, staring at Matthias's face. His head was tilted up too much, face a little too much to the right, as if trying to guess the direction he was standing. On his cheeks, peeking out a little from the bandages where they failed to cover the injury entirely, was darkened, raised skin, looking almost veined, and the same raised skin could be seen peeking from the bandages on his chest and neck.

"Norge! Is that you?" Matthias called, too loudly, too cheerfully, and Lukas had almost expected his voice to be quiet and hushed and croaky and anything but the way it sounded now.

"He's _blind_ , Mr. Bondevik," Jace said quietly from behind him. Matthias's grin only widened as he angled his head more in the direction of them, face lighting up.

"Oh, great, this place was getting way too boring for me," Matthias said as Jace exited the room quietly, closing the door behind him and leaving the two of them alone. Lukas took a few steps forward and stopped as Matthias raised both of his hands, leaning forward and grasping thin air, still smiling.

"Are you there? Man, I can't remember the last time you actually _visited_ me in the hospital. Usually you just dropped by to tell me to do stuff, like contribute to cleaning when I got back. Hey? You there?" Matthias's smile lessened slightly, and he tilted his head, as if listening for any sounds or movement, "...Are you? I can't...I can't see anymore, so you're going to have to make some noise, buddy."

"I'm here," Lukas said, trying to keep his voice from sounding too strained, but ultimately failing, "I'm-I'm here, Matthias, I'm right here."

Matthias angled his head towards him once again, still smiling, eyebrows lowering before the smile turned mischievous.

"Are the others still at home? Man, I can't wait to see-I mean, hear their reactions to this. I guess you guys are going to have to be lugging my lazy ass around a little more this time around," Matthias said jokingly, before raising his arms again, grabbing at the air in front of him, trying to reach out to Lukas as if he could just _feel_ his presence there.

Lukas took a few more steps forward, where he was now close to the bed, and extended his arm out, letting Matthias's fingers brush against it before his hand closed around Lukas's elbow, tugging him forward.

"Why do you have to choose _now_ to be so quiet?" Matthias asked, tilting his head to the side, still smiling. The uncovered skin that Lukas can see crinkled a little, the way Matthias's eyes do when he's especially happy.

It's entirely wrong. He's so happy. And he can't see. Lukas felt as if the floor were leaving him, and he had to resist the urge to fall forward onto the bed. It was so, _so_ wrong, the way Matthias was still smiling, and it was just so, so awful, and why? Why wasn't he giving up this charade?

This had to be a joke, right? No way Matthias was blind. This must be some stupid joke of his. Seriously, Dane? This was the most ridiculous thing he could do.

Needing an answer, needing to know that this was just a fucking stupid prank and there was _no way_ , ever in _hell_ that Matthias wouldn't-couldn't- _ever_ be able to see again, Lukas raised his hands to Matthias's head, and began to unwrap the bandages from it. Matthias was silent as he did so, smile fading more and more as the bandages came undone.

"You're so stupid," Lukas said as he did so, and Matthias's lips quirked a little, though almost sadly, but Lukas couldn't tell much without his eyes giving away what he was feeling. You could always tell what Matthias was feeling just by looking at his eyes.

Lukas forgot how to breathe as he continued unraveling, hands shaking, still convinced that this was just a stupid joke, a prank, a ploy. Stupid Matthias and his stupid jokes and his stupid tendency to get into stupid trouble-

The bandages fell away from Matthias's face, coming to rest just beneath his chin, hanging off his ears, now.

The skin all around Matthias's eyes was dark and raised and lined, making him look almost like a raccoon. The whites of his eyes were red, looking almost as if he had been crying, and his irises were milky blue.

These were not Matthias's eyes. Matthias's eyes did not look glassy and dead and emotionless.

These were not Matthias's eyes.

"I'm supposed to keep these on, you know," Matthias grinned, hands travelling up to his neck and grabbing at the bandages, "Can you put them back on for me? I can't see what I'm doing."

"Why do you..." Lukas stared at the bandages, his fingers still wrapped around them, feeling as if his muscles were being turned to ice and his blood dissipating, "Why do you sound so normal?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Matthias asked, once again tilting his head to the side, and his expression looked so wrong. His eyebrows were still raised, mouth a little lilted, but his eyes were wide and dead and just...

 _They were not Matthias's eyes._

"You can't see," Lukas whispered, letting go of the bandages, flicking his hair out of his own eyes, "You can't see, you idiot, you can't you can't fucking see and you're here talking like _everything_ is fine and what the _hell_ were you thinking, _why_ did you do that, Matthias, why _did you just fucking do that?_ "

Matthias smiled at Lukas. Well, Lukas knew he was directing his smile towards him. But Matthias's head was turned too much to the left, and his eyes were staring blankly straight ahead.

"I had to help them," Matthias answered, and Lukas felt his anger begin to bubble, because god damn it Matthias, couldn't he see what he had done?

Matthias's hand grazed his own, before working it's way up to Lukas's shoulder, and Matthias pulled him in for an awkward hug as Lukas shuddered, and it was only when Matthias said, "Don't cry, I'm okay" did Lukas realize he _was_ crying.

"You can't see anymore, you idiot," Lukas said, almost burying his face into Matthias's neck before remembering that the area might be very tender, "You can't see me, or Emil, or the others, or the sky, or dogs, or kids, or that Little Mermaid statue in Copenhagen..."

"All my favorite things, I don't think I could get enough of them," Matthias laughed before hugging Lukas tighter, "But I am glad I had the chance to do so."

Lukas was quiet as he let his head hang and he let Matthias talk and talk and talk and for once Lukas was not annoyed to hear his voice.

* * *

The others saw Matthias, one by one, and Emil doodled on the gauze on Matthias's arm and Tino cried and promised that he'd make Matthias Danishes and Berwald sat down next to Matthias and didn't speak, but let Matthias's hands wander over his arms and shoulders and neck and let Matthias make jokes about him.

When Matthias came home, he touched everything a lot.

Simply entering a room, with his walking stick almost dragging behind him because Matthias was an idiot and hardly ever used it, hands outstretched and grasping the air, and when he finally found one of the others, usually he touched the arms.

Matthias never kept his hands on one place-once they found one of the others, he moved to touch their elbows, and their hands, their shoulders, letting his hands smoothly travel from place to place as he talked or laughed and Lukas knew this was Matthias's way of seeing now.

He still missed the expression in his shining eyes, that were now milky and a little red and hidden behind sunglasses, and always, always, Matthias's hands were moving. Holding onto elbows is what he seemed to like best, and if his hands ever did stop moving on a person, that's where they usually were. Resting on their elbows, beaming to himself, head usually not quite facing the right direction but everyone knew that the smile was intended for them.

Lukas still did not understand why Matthias was still...Matthias.

Why did he still smile and laugh? Why did he act as if nothing was different, nothing at all?

Did he not realize that the others hadn't answered their phones for him that day because they simply...Hadn't cared?

Why was he not angry at them? Why did he seem to not miss being able to see his favorite things, ever, like his family and the sky and cute puppies at the park?

Why, why, why?

* * *

Matthias became rather good at reading the atmosphere. At least, he became better than he had before.

On one of those nights when Lukas was stewing and brimming with guilt and anger and sadness and _questions_ , Matthias's chatter faded into silence, and his hands, both of which had been ruffling Lukas's hair, slowly moved down to grasp onto Lukas's elbow.

"Are you okay?" Matthias asked after a while, facing a point somewhere above Lukas's head.

"No," Lukas answered honestly, quietly, before turning to face him, "Don't you care?"

"About you?" Matthias smiled, "Yes, I do."

"Not about me," Lukas said dismissively, "I mean. Don't you miss seeing things?"

"Yes," Matthias answered without hesitation, and his smile faltered for a brief second, "I miss seeing things a lot."

"Well, what do you miss most?" Lukas asked, leaning against the balcony and letting the wind caress his face gently. Matthias's hands remained on his elbow.

"I miss the obvious, but I also miss seeing things that seemed really trivial before now," Matthias said, leaning awkwardly against the balcony as well.

"Like what?"

"Steam rising from you and Tino's coffee," said Matthias, and his sunglasses slid down his face a little, "Emil's bed hair. The rainbow made when light shines through something made of glass, you know? And water. I miss seeing waves and the ocean, too."

Lukas was quiet as he stared up at the stars, because Matthias would never get to see those stars again, and he would never get to see the ocean anymore and he couldn't take anymore annoying selfies with the statue in Copenhagen and he couldn't play poker with them anymore, and he just couldn't see a lot of things and therefore there was no way he would see Lukas crying, right now.

"But don't you regret doing what you did?" Lukas whispered.

"I regret not landing another punch," Matthias grinned, before his hands moved to Lukas's shoulder, rubbing it in a comforting gesture, "But no, I don't, because I like to think I got this way doing a good thing, Norge."

"That's a stupid nickname," Lukas said, wanting to brush Matthias's hands off his shoulder but not doing so, "I've told you that."

"You have."

"You're a stupid person."

"But I'm a great stupid person."

Lukas looked up at Matthias, who was smiling at Lukas's chest.

"Yes," Lukas said after a while, "You are."

* * *

The others learned so many more things about Matthias now.

Now that he couldn't see any events that happened during the day, it left him more room to talk about things-his own self, for example, and the others found out things they hadn't ever known about him.

For example, Matthias used to enjoy making cinnamon rolls just to watch the dough rise. And he used to go to town when he was younger and try to scrub all the graffiti from the buildings but gave up when people just continued doing it. And what made Matthias think about crying a lot was thinking about those really sad pet shelter commercials.

Lukas listened because he had never listened before, and he didn't object when Matthias's hands wandered all over his torso as he continued talking.

* * *

The others often asked Matthias similar questions.

"What do you miss seeing most?"

Matthias always had different answers, because he missed more and more things as time went on, and when Berwald asked him one night why losing his sight didn't he seem to bother him so much, Matthias grinned at the spot between Emil and Tino and said,

"All I need is you guys to be here right beside me! So what if I can't see? Just knowing you're here-" And at this, his fingers tapped against Emil's head, where his hand was currently resting-"It makes me feel better."

"Well, you're stupid," said Emil, and he still let Matthias's hands wander over him even though he didn't like being touched because that was what Matthias did, now, "You don't regret anything?"

"All I need is for you guys to be there for me," Matthias said honestly, and he let his hands wander over to Tino's shoulders.

Matthias saw with his hands and felt the atmosphere in the room and now whenever he called, even if it was to tell them about a mysterious buzzing noise he thought was a bomb outside actually turned out to be a bumblebee, they still answered and listened because they hadn't ever done so before.

* * *

 **its a piece of shit i know but i wanted something that was not FLUFFY HAPPY or LIFE DESTROYING SAD but something that was light enough to not be angst but sad enough to not be fluff**

 **do u get me**

 **anyway here's slice of life human nordics with a light dusting of could-be-interpreted-as-dennor ur welcome**


End file.
